YOU'RE AN ALPHA SUB? WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THAT?

1. SOCIAL HIERARCHY

The term “Alpha sub” has a long history in the leather community in situations where there is a hierarchy. In a household where there's a Master living with his slaves. There is always an Alpha slave among other slaves. All the slaves definitely submit to the Master but the Alpha has some authority over the other slaves in the household. Some people also use the term 'alpha sub' to describe the one with the most power in a polyamorous relationship.

2. PACKS AND PRIMALS

This idea of 'alpha sub' also extends to the family of pups, wolves, and primals. For example, it is in the nature of a Rottweiler to be a dominant dog. However, unlike popular opinion, this breed is not vicious. Despite their domineering nature, they know exactly where they stand with their owners and everyone else they know and are happy to accept their position.

Those involved in pet play in BDSM often incorporate this aspect of animal instinct into their dynamics. Alphas are usually dominant members of a pack. If you're interested in exploring more about the dynamics of pet play, check out our article on primal play in BDSM.

3. THE TYPE-A ALPHA

Now to the most recent usage of “Alpha sub”, and the one that causes the most contention in the BDSM community. The term has also risen in parallel with the term “Alpha female” (or, more generally, an “Alpha personality”).

In this usage, the term “Alpha sub” is used to indicate a woman who is submissive in her primary BDSM relationship role, but is frequently assumed by others to be a “dominant” person. Usually the kind of women the general population can’t imagine bowing down to anyone, male or female. Assertive, opinionated, directive, competitive, independent, not a doormat, etc etc.

ReginaFera13 on Reddit explains further what an alpha sub is;

"...I’ve always seen it to mean a submissive who is an alpha/dominant personality type in day to day life but is submissive only to their Dom. I’ve also seen it used in a type of harem situation where the alpha submissive has authority over the other submissives to basically keep the group in line so there is less work for the Dom. Kinda like an eldest child that helps to manage the younger ones…"

• The term ‘alpha’ is a personality and not a role. A BDSM alpha sub usually knows exactly what they are, what they want, what they need and know how they’re going to get it, even if they’re new to the lifestyle. But this doesn’t mean they are disrespectful because they are not. It also doesn’t mean they will use their ‘personality’ as an excuse for being rude or ignore protocols within their relationship dynamics.
• A BDSM alpha sub wants to be owned just like every other submissive but only by the right dominant. One that can handle their personality, push the right buttons and how to control them effectively.
• An alpha sub in a BDSM relationship wants and needs attention, maybe not as constantly. Their Dom must discipline them if they step out of line. If their dominant partner shows any sign of weakness, they’ll take control, and that's one thing an alpha sub does not want in their relationship. They do not want to be in control.
• An alpha sub will fiercely protect their Dominant and all others within the dynamic. They are more than capable of looking after themselves should the need arise. In fact, Alpha subs need their Dominant to trust them to do so and trust that they'd reach out for help if it’s needed.
  

Now that we have seen facts about a BDSM alpha sub, let us now see why a lot of people aren't comfortable with the term;

The problem that many people have with this usage is that it assumes that the term insinuates that people who don’t identify as “Alpha” are needy.  But that’s not always the case. Non-alphas are not usually weak, dependent and unassertive. Submission is not in any way a weakness, so this is not a game of opposites.

IS AN ALPHA SUB A CLOSETED DOMINANT?

An alpha is not a closeted dominant. They may switch roles sometimes, if they want to buy this does not mean they want to be a dom. They want to be protected and taken care of like every other submissive.

CAN A MAN BE AN ALPHA SUB?

A submissive can either be male or female. However, one of the controversies surrounding the idea is that the term is mostly used to describe female subs. For more on the dynamics of male submissives, check out our article on Essential rules for a Female Dom Male Sub Relationship.

As a BDSM alpha sub, do not let anyone bully you into thinking that you are not a real submissive because you have strong convictions, ideals, and expectations. However, if you want to label yourself an “Alpha sub”, do be aware that other submissives are going to see that as divisive, and possibly insulting and be prepared to defend what you stand for. Good luck!