WHAT IS A SUBMISSIVE - DOMINANT RELATIONSHIP?

You have established your relationship or your sexual life to be within a power exchange of a D/S relationship. 

But what is a domme role in essence? How to behave in a submissive lifestyle and how to agree on basic rules? What are the benefits of female dominance in relationships and what are the rules to apply? How to be a good submissive husband. 

For some people, BDSM is often associated to bondage, cuffs, or candle wax - portrayed by 50 shades of Grey movies. Yet, the lifestyle is way broader and comes to more of a psychological level of interaction. Usually we tend to see the stereotype of submissive women who are dominated by a male master, but the alternative roles are more and more present in our society: female dominating male. 

If you are confused on how to properly set up your dominant submissive dynamic or just want to establish some ground rules, oxy is here for you. We will cover the traits and roles of each, how to be a female dom, how to be a good sub and the top rules to follow.

BDSM stands for and includes Bondage and Discipline (BD), Dominance and Submission (DS), and Sadism and Masochism / Sadomasochism (SM) (Wikipedia) . In its simple form, a dom/sub relationship is an interaction of two people when one is the dominant (Sadist) and the other one the submissive to his partner (Masochist). 

Two distinct roles, that do not only converge around sex or fatasies but also apply to all aspect of life. A submissive life is following the Dom in his leadership, protection and care - in exchange, he will be obedient, worship and please the Mistress. 

Also we can say that those rules applying to submissive men and dommes can be changed over time depending on how your interaction evolves. You can even become a switch and exchange roles in the power dynamic. 

Not every sub/dom relationship is the same, but we can say that this is a very established dynamic, with open minded people living their life to the fullest. If there is the same interest in BDSM, it is possible to make it happen.

It is important to highlight that not every BDSM relationship must be physical. In sense that the act of worshipping can be done psychologically, online or over the phone. After reading several male submissive stories, it is safe to say that many have a blooming liaison without even seeing their partner. 

People involved in a D/S relationship can be involved with another romantically - One not following the BDSM dynamic. This can be a married couple allowing the submissive man to live his desires with a dominant woman, a polyamorous situation or an open relationship. 

One other type of D/s relationship is Total Power Exchange (TPE), or master/slave. It means that those people have decided to live the lifestyle on a full time basis. The all liaison is built on the roles of submissive male to a dominant woman, which influences their everyday life interactions. 

There are other people who just practice their respecitive roles during sexuela intercourse or during a BDSM scene. On the contrary to SM, a dominant and submissive relationship is not based on physical sensations but more about the power. Sex life can also rely on power, thus bringing a middle groud for both needs and satisfaction. 

What are the benefits of a Submissive to Dominant relationship? 

You might think that most male submissives were forced to become at the mercy of a dominant woman - you are wrong. It is a lifestyle choice which in fact, has advantages for health, well being, self fulfillment and happiness. 

Dr Sandar LaMogrese (pro dom, sexpert) says that BDSM helps couples to feel more at ease and create a stronger bond. “During BDSM sessions, clients often experience a release of dopamine and serotonin, the brain’s feel-good neurotransmitters. These two chemicals are associated with feelings of happiness, tranquility, joy, self-confidence, emotional well-being, and motivation. In addition, the release of the chemical vasopressin compels people toward feeling bonded to one another.“

Sexually, there is often the same pattern present in a vanilla relationship, a BDSM couple breaks the monotony - Thus improving mental health. Usually there is better intimacy and fidelity as those relationships are founded on willingness to comply and trust. 

Besides pleasure, BDSM benefits our physical and mental health on different levels. Now we are clear on the type of interaction we are talking about in this article, we can move on to roles each actor should be playing within this lifestyle.

A Domme is a non professional female dominant. A Dominatrix or Pro-domme is a professional female dominant. Urban dictionarydefinition.

Main traits of a domme are as follow: 

A submissive is inclined or ready to submit or yield to the authority of another, unresistingly or humbly obdeientdictionary.com 

A sub loves to please his dom in any ways possible - and we are not talking on a sexual level. Often submissive are under chastity, wearing a cock cage, thus forgetting their manhood and focusing to please in any other ways. If you're interested in learning more about chastity in BDSM relationships, check out our ultimate guide to male chastity.

Main traits of male or female submissive are as follow:

For both parties to be happy within this special kind of relationship, it is important to communicate and put in place some ground rules. No set rules apply to everyone! This list of rules for subs and doms out there is just basic ideas. Once setting rules for your sub or your dom, it is good to agree on everything beforehands.

In any relationship you might engage, you have to understand the other person might not think, behave or be like you - need to be open minded about the perspectives and values of your partner. 

It is particularly important for d/s relationships as one person is in control - yet it does not mean this person can’t learn something from the sub. It is a mutual understanding and comprehension of the benefits that this type of relationship is bringing. 

In BDSM you might engage in things you have never done before. Will it be okay to try with this person? Will I like it? Be open minded and find out!

This is dominant submissive grooming - Even though the sub loves to be under control, it does mean that they don’t see a human side. The submissive wants a domme to be harsh and punitive as a dominant, yet he also knows a softer side is inside - one which has mercy and gives lighter punishments. 

 Never force someone to do something they do not want, show empathy and understandability when situations arise.

A relationship is both ways, you should show you can be trusted by not crossing lines or not respecting the set of rules agreed upon. A sub is expected to be a servant, and the domme is expected to act as a worthy leader. 

Especially when BDSM involves physical play, it is important to know and trust your partner well before engaging in such activities. The line between BDSM and abuse can sometimes be crossed, it is when there is a lack of trust.

Not everyone can adapt to all your desires and fantasies - The partner might be willing to play at a different level. Like in any relationship, we can’t force the other to do what they don’t want.

If you are a Domme, you need to deserve your status and role, thus you can’t embarrass a submissive unwillingly. 

If you are a submissive, you can’t expect the domme to be always grateful for how a good boy you are. You are a submissive in a dynamic relationship, not a slave forced to slavery.

First you need to access all information from both parties to see if you are compatible to live such a lifestyle. It includes boundaries, health concerns, sexual needs, and your level of experience for you to find a middle ground. 

If you have a domme role and desire to push the limits a bit further, you need to communicate before with the sub and ask his approval. 

No communication = No healthy and stable relationship = No happiness

As it can get a bit borderline to dangerous in a BDSM interaction, it is good to stop when needed. A safe word is for a sub to use when they have had enough and when limits are reached. 

A safe word must be quite unique, something you won’t use in a normal conversation. This will be the sign that things must calm down. You can also use a word to say that the sub is okay, but to continue more gently.

For this d/s relationship to work , both parties need to be mentally and physically healthy. Do not engage in BDSM with anger, stress, under the influence of drugs or alcohol. 

If the Domme or the Sub are low and need to rest, let them be - restart your power exchange dynamic when things get better. Respect each other's comfort zone and think about each other's well-being before thinking about any sexual gratification. This an individualist approach not welcome in a relationship.

The point of all of this, is to enjoy and have fun on a whole new level. Respect each other and you should reach your self fulfillment goals. 

A d/s relationship is basically a relationship upgrade, so it should stay this way by fitting each party's requirements.

Living the lifestyle to his optimum takes time - you must go step by step. It applies to teh Domme and to submissive. Be gentle, communicate and see how it goes by not rushing your way. 

As a Domme, groom the submissive to create a comfortable atmosphere for him to bloom. Have faith your partner will adapt to your fantasies with time and you will both enjoy it. If you're looking for ideas on how to make your submissive feel truly owned and valued, check out our article on Dom/sub ideas that will make your slave feel owned.

Fulfil the rules you have established at the beginning of your relationship. Don;t come complaining if one of the parties went overboard id it was allowed in the set rules. 

You need to get something out of this relationship, by trusting each other to follow what everyone wants. If there is something to change, rules can be bended by strong and open communication. 

Hope you enjoyed this article, feel free to comment! Another article will follow with Submissive rules ideas you can implement. For those interested in exploring the submissive side further, our guide on how to start your sub journey as a novice submissive might be helpful.