What is Headspace in BDSM?

Submissive headspace?

Headspace or Subspace: Head space is generally considered to be an altered state of consciousness within BDSM play that is used to ‘lose yourself’ in a scene. It is described as a state of mind whereby the body’s endorphins, encephalin and adrenaline take over the mind and produce a morphine like effect. The Submissive enters this space when he/she totally trusts his/her dominant. Source: Hellsc

Inside My Head: Getting into Subspace

Let’s talk about about headspace.  Headspace is that place that we go when we want to engage in or even exist in a reality that can be vastly different than our public reality.  If you are not new to BDSM and kink/fetish, it could be that you have already heard the word and maybe even have become intimately familiar with headspace. It should be noted that when I discuss my journey into headspace, I had, and continue to have, a goal of existing in headspace all the time and my headspace is going to likely be different than those reading.  I am a faggot.  My headspace involves keeping me in a place where I am subservient to Real Men and exist to be primarily a sexual toy. 

“My headspace involves keeping me in a place where I am subservient to Real Men and exist to be primarily a sexual toy.”

I first encountered the word from one of my Pup friends.  If you are unfamiliar with Pups and Pup Play, it is a growing fetish into the Subs community. He kept referring the need to be in the correct headspace when engaging in Pup Play or most any other fetish that was part of his vast repertoire.  When I asked, and he answered, it was like a vast door opened on what was happening to me in these bursts of BDSM and kink/fetish thoughts. It suddenly dawned on me what was happening when I would become extremely “hooked” on being a submissive. I was getting pulled and pushed into headspace.  Most of the time, I was putting myself into it. It could start by reading fetish erotica or browsing Tumblr for some of the more unique flavors of sex.  It didn’t usually last for very long, often times coming to a screech halt once I orgasm. Now I had a name for it, I had begun to understand it and learned how to control it. 

Source: bdsmwiki

Step 1: Headspace and Chastity

I get into headspace much the same way as the first time I used chastity: I remain on the fringes of the headspace all the time.  Wearing a cock cage andnot being able to cum has a profound effect on a male. Sexual and arousing thoughts constantly surfaced from the fringes of my mind.  A shift in my chair would cause the chastity device to move, making me very aware of my predicament.  It was driving me crazy and I loved it.  I was starting to become what I wanted to be. There was just one problem…there was a lingering in the back of my head that I could take it off anytime and no one would care.  I could jack myself off and suddenly find that intense feeling of submission gone. 

Step 2: Mind Conditioning

I began to look for tools that might help keep me where I was.  It was then I found the next weapon in my arsenal.  I discovered auditory and visual conditioning.  These are messages delivered through either a binaural audio track or subliminal messages delivered with the rapid flashing of words and images often paired with audio tracks.  All these are designed to condition your mindto a certain goal or way of thinking.  It should be noted here that one has to have a certain open mind regarding this in order for it to be totally effective when doing it to oneself. I found that I love it and while finding the audio conditioning tracks can be challenging, most video porn sites have a large variety of sexually-related videos for conditioning. 

Step 3: Finding a Dom

I incorporated yet another element helping me on this particular journey and the one that was the hardest to find…the SIR.  I found a young man that could be nearly as kinky as me and loved the idea of the control, even when we are apart.He gives me tasks meant to reinforce his dominance over me.  They included things like making a check-in video every morning in which I am naked and need to recite a particular mantra or affirmation.  I am also told to adjust certain daily behaviors. I am no longer permitted to stand to piss; stripping me of a behavior that is seen as masculine.   Together we have developed a set of rules which I have had to commit. Also, he holds the keys to the collar around my neck and the chastity device on my dick. I was finally almost there.  In a place where I could exist in my headspace and yet function in public reality. 

Step 4: Own perception of Subspace

Then it happened… My Dom removed the chastity device.  There was nothing keeping me from jacking off, Cumming and falling out of that Subspace.  I was determined not to fail. I had to make daily affirmations to that affect which ended up serving two purposes.  It kept me from orgasm and as a daily reminder.  The audio tracks were still rolling every day.  I was engaging in tasks that kept me in the Subspace.  Even though I couldn’t feel the weight of the chastity device on my little dick, I could feel it in my head.  Engaging in domestic duties, holding the door for Real Men, all of the things that I envisioned in myself as a submissive were working to keep me where I wanted to be.

Every day, I continue to look for ways to keep myself in that space. Each submissive is going to need to figure out where he or she wants to be as a sub, decide how deep and what is going to help him/her make that happen. 

My situation presents several challenges: My Sir is half-way across the State, thus difficulties to keep my submissive role as a routine.  My husband and partner of 16 years is very tolerant and supportive but it is more vanilla than ice cream.  Finally, I have a job in which I am a part of the management team.  Challenges.  But I have been successful so far and I am pretty close to where I want to be. The best advice I could offer one starting down this path or even peeking through the bushes is to make sure you know what you want and know how badly you want it. After that…it’s game on.

I would love to hear about your thoughts and experiences of headspace in the comments.